Nature.com reports that Canadian miners have tapped into a pool of water so far beneath the surface of the Earth, and so old, and so isolated that is has never been touched by human urine.
This of course makes it prime drinking water as the only known source of water that has never been peed in by anything, even your expensive, bland, bottled water has traces of urine in them. However, before richest one percent of the world’s population can take a drink (which will most certainly grant them everlasting life or, perhaps, super powers), scientists want to test the water for microbial life which may or may not be expelling urine into it at a subatomic level.
These studies may help us determine if life could be supported in other, such hostile locations, as under the surface of Mars.
Some experts say that the underground water could be dangerous in it’s current state and that somebody should pee into it right away to avoid unforeseen consequences.
Apparently, there is a drunk driving epidemic in Bowling Green causing wide spread perishing among the young. It’s a workload that even Death can’t handle and he aims to reduce it. The Reaper met with the Sheriff and together they came up with a ritual that they hope will make a point and lead to smarter decisions from teenagers.
The ritual begins in a darkened gymnasium where each student holds a candle. At random, the Grim Reaper approaches a student and taps him/her on the shoulder. The student then blows out his/her candle and a paramedic rushes out to lay the student on the floor. A white sheet is placed over the student to simulate his/her death and live worms are thrown on top to represent the process of decomposition.
Later, fake obituaries are read to other students who don’t know they are fake. The hope is that these students will become much too depressed to go out and party anymore and thus solve the problem for good.
Now, I would like to make clear that it is sometimes necessary to use fictional characters to make a point more clear. Although the sheriff, the students and others were very real, an actor was hired to play the paramedic. However, it doesn’t make the message any less valid.
Join me next week for more strange tales.
Attention my fellow human mammals. A video that I found on YouTube has indisputably captured a shape-shifting humanoid reptilian alien within Barack Obama’s secret service. The video below clearly shows an out of place “man” twitching his head oddly and later he is seen actually changing the shape of his skull.
This brings to the table many questions. Like who else might be a shape-shifter? And how can you tell one from a real person? I went to my colleague, Nick Kilcoyne for his take, “it would seem to me that reptiles would have quite a different diet than humans. So if you suspect someone of being a shape-shifter, I recommend examining their feces.” Nick then checked the App Store for a feces scanner.
I then asked my other co-worker, Will Henton, who said, “I don’t know anything about shape-shifters but I’ll tell you about a shift-shaper, look at the new work schedule Patrick made. Now I work more days than I have off! How ridiculous is that?
So what do you think? Is the Government riddled with shape-shifting aliens?
Join me again next time for more tales of the unexplained. Hawkings, Goodnight.
A Chattanooga paranormal research firm called Global Paranormal Services has claimed to have collected inarguable evidence that ghosts exists.
As the website, Who Forted, reports, the group was investigating a supposed haunting at the local library. This was smart of them because libraries always have a “ghost section” so I applaud them and their intuition. An unnamed forensic lab has looked over their evidence has has confirmed it’s authenticity.
However, their evidence will not be shown to the public just yet but they have released a teaser photograph that shows a white bloby specter that resembles a snowman. Whether this is the ghost of a snowman or if you just turn into a snowman once you pass is unknown at this time. We’ll have to wait for more details.
A woman in the area also dialed 911 claiming that a man was trying to kill her. Police arrived on the scene to find the woman bleeding. She was admitted to the hospital and is expected to be fine. About 10 minutes later, a neighbor reported a prowler near his home. When police arrived, they found Lankford. He seemed to be disoriented and believed he was in a city called Lilburn, which was about 18 miles away from the scene. He also displayed slurred speech and difficulty maintaining balance – the clues are falling into place. For the sake of thoroughness, I’ll add that the police officer noticed the odor of alcohol on the suspect’s breath but I believe this fact to be unimportant.
When questioned, Lankford gave the police officer a perfectly reasonable explanation for the odd events, he had been abducted by aliens. Think about it, the mysterious crashed car, dropped by a flying saucer. The injured woman, the recipient of an alien implant. Lankford’s confused mental and physical state, aftershock from extraterrestrial experimentation. It all makes sense.
However as usual, a cover up was taking place and Lankford became the scapegoat here, being hauled away to jail accused of a DUI. When will people learn?
Join me next Friday for more tales of the paranormal.
It is a sad and disturbing day indeed. The people at The Voice of Russia reports that the decomposed corpse of the Lock Ness Monster has been discovered dumped in a remote lake in Siberia. This adds the Lock Ness Monster to the growing list of creatures that have only been seen in their murdered state, this includes the Woolly Mammoth, the Saber Tooth Tiger, all the dinosaurs and King Tut.
Dmitry Shiller, the head of an underwater research team went to the bottom of the worlds coldest lake, Lake Labynkyr. Don’t worry, they all wore two sweaters each. When they got to the bottom, they discovered the jaw and partial skeleton of a huge underwater creature.
Bones underwater? In Siberia? What else could it be but the Lock Ness Monster? Reminds me of the time I discovered bones under the floorboards of my rental home and determined they belonged to Bigfoot.