Monthly Archives: January 2013

Ufiti the Ghost Chimp of Malawi, Africa – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

Illustraton of a Chimpanzee

Illustraton of a Chimpanzee (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello again this week, a blog by the name of ShukerNater posts an article supposedly debunking the story of the mighty ghost chimp, Ufiti.

The story of Ufiti is a rather interesting one, in the area known as Malawi in Africa, a human settlement, strange sightings of an ape-like creature started to be reported in the 1960s in an area where no chimpanzee species was known to occupy. The description of this creature mostly match that of a western African chimpanzee except it had some characteristics from a mature male gorilla such as a gray saddle and an unusually large size.

Ufiti would seemingly appear out of nowhere around construction sites and other areas where humans tend to congregate. When a person attempted to get close to Ufiti, she would back into the jungle and disappear. Eventually, the construction sites became littered with banana peals and the people decided that Ufiti had to be captured.

When entering the jungle in pursuit of the mysterious ape, people were shocked to discover over 30 treetop structures, one had a satellite dish on the top.

Ufiti was found and caught. It turned out that she wasn’t a ghost, yet. She was soon sent to a local zoo where her health rapidly deteriorated and she was put down. At least that’s what we’ve been told.

There have been quiet rumblings of the true nature of the creature called Ufiti. These people have mostly been silenced however, a some have, on their death beds, revealed the shocking secret, Ufiti was a psychic. She was able to open her cage door with her mind.

She would often use her powers to gain entry to the kitchen where she would gorge herself on fruit and pancake mix. The people at the zoo learned to be afraid of Ufiti since she was able to control not only things but people with her mind. One report tells of the time that she made two co-workers groom each other and then have a feces fight.

One day Ufiti was found to be missing. It was later learned that she had become bored of living on Earth and had returned to her home planet. Yes, her home planet. Remember that satellite dish on her jungle construct? I was a communication device pointed at a star known as HR 8799, her presumed home system.

Officials maintain that Ufiti was just a garden variety chimpanzee, a possible escaped pet who died in a zoo. However, I offer no poof that any of that is true and I ask you to instead believe the stuff I have written.

Goodnight.

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New Type of UFO sighted at International Space Station – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

English: The International Space Station is fe...

This week I am talking again about UFOs. On the subject there are many people who jump to conclusions and make far reaching statements in order to corroborate their loose fitting evidence. And that’s exactly what I plan to do here.

The Huffington Post  reports that the beginning of this year has marked the densest month of UFO sightings on and around the International Space Station in history. Several videos have been posted as examples. The one video shows a small white spot accompanied by a huge flying arrow moving across the upper atmosphere of the Earth.

The dots and arrows show up numerous times. After much research I have discovered that these new and terrifying “arrow”  shaped UFOs exactly mach the description of the “downwards arrow.” But what is the link between this ancient “arrow” symbol and the flying arrow craft spotting in Earth’s orbit?

Some researcher claim that the symbol is actually meant to communicate the word “down.” I find this to be a ridiculous conclusion because in space there is no such thing as “down.” I theorize that the symbol may instead stand for “over there.” However, this is all just wild speculation

Join me next week for my take on strange stories in the news.

Kraken Found, Declared a Coward by Japanese – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

The giant squid

The great Doctor (me) is back again. This week, talking about that colossal calamari, the Giant Squid, the Kraken. Many people over the centuries have claimed to have encounters with the Giant Squid and so far, all have been declared clinically insane.

Now, according to Reuters, the county of Japan has come out with what they claim is actual photographs of the Kraken in it’s natural habitat which turns out to be, amazingly, in the water.

Tsunemi Kubodera, a zoologist at Japan’s National Museum of Nature and Science explains how he managed to capture images of the creature,  “If you try and approach making a load of noise, using a bright white light, then the squid won’t come anywhere near you. That was our basic thinking,” Kubodera said. “So we sat there in the pitch black, using a near-infrared light invisible even to the human eye, waiting for the giant squid to approach.”

The claim is that the reason we have never captured a giant squid on film before is because it’s been scared away by the noisy and bright underwater machines have been sent after it in the past.

We may be able to apply this reasoning to other elusive creatures such as Bigfoot for example. Perhaps we have never seen a Bigfoot because it is terrified of people. I suggest that Bigfoot hunters do so while completely invisible or failing that, wearing a big friendly teddy bear suite.

However, some are not convinced, the United States is skeptical of this discovery and is in the process of getting Japan declared clinically insane. Something it’s been trying to do for decades.

Join me next week for more strange tails.

Unidentified Lights in New York – With Dr. Steven Hawlkings

An interesting video was posted on Youtube a few days ago titled, ‘Unidentified Lights.’ A woman named Diana Navarro, was filming the New York sunrise for an unknown reason when she noticed lights glowing from odd rectangular constructs rising out of the ground. As she pans the camera it shows more of these lighted structures.

I for one am terrified by this video. What ever is depicted by this video, it’s obviously a hostile take over. I have been preparing for an event like this for 25 years. I have even build a car that runs on wood gas. If anybody needs me I’ll be in Vault number 21.

Join me next week for more tales of the paranormal.