Blog Archives

Santa Claus May Be Bigfoot – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

1914 Santa Claus in japan

The Verge reports that Dr. Melba S. Ketchum, a Texan geneticist, has gathered a DNA sample of Bigfoot, lifted from a half eaten blueberry bagel. Ketchum has been studying the DNA for quite some time and claims to soon be releasing her results.

What she doesn’t know is that Will Henton, one of my ‘Bologna or Not? colleagues, was hiding in the bushes outside Ketchum’s home where the bagel bait had been placed, hoping to get the jump on Bigfoot.

Will missed his opportunity to witness the great ape in action but as soon as Will woke up and remembered where he was, he instead grabbed his own sample from the bagel and brought it back to headquarters for analyses.

Will brought me the sample and I placed it into the DNA analyzer that I bought off eBay. Two weeks later, we had our results. The DNA did not match any creature known to science, but it did match another sample we had from an unrelated study years earlier.

We had once aspired to determine the identity of Santa Claus. Our plan was to have Will set out milk and cookies for Santa Claus on Christmas Eve and then take DNA samples from the half eaten Oreos and milk glass. That sample had no matches and the case went cold.

However, the DNA sample from the bagel exactly matches that of the cookie sample. We can conclude positively that whoever, or whatever, ate that bagel is the same entity that had eaten the cookies years earlier. Ketchum swears the bagel was eaten by a Bigfoot and Will swears he doesn’t go around tasting every food he gets close to, so the only reasonable possibility left is that Bigfoot and Santa Claus are the same creature.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from ‘Bologna or Not?’!

The Legend of the Boise Street Turkey

Dinosaurs killed by Aliens then Evolved – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

Tyrannosaurus rex, Palais de la Découverte, Paris

Tyrannosaurus rex, Palais de la Découverte, Paris (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It turns out that the Super Mario Bros. Movie was right. After reading an article over at The Canadian, I am convinced that the Dinosaurs live and have evolved into humanoid creatures who live under the Earth’s surface.

The article claims that the dinosaurs extinction was the result of a suborbital war between two alien races in which one of the races use an experimental “fusion bomb” which caused all life on the planet to parish… almost.

A few species managed to survive and evolve eventually escaping the nuclear winter by moving underground. This reptilian race has been around for billions of years and had become technologically advanced and may have be responsible for many UFO sightings as well as the stories of Atlantis.

The story also claims that giant human beings also lived during the time of the dinosaurs but that’s just ridiculous.

Volume 3 in the works!

P writing blue

Announcing Bologna or Not? Vol. III! The writing is going full steam a head and this book is on track to be the biggest yet. Not only in length but in scope. I don’t know when it will be finished yet but it’s still months away at this point. Just keep checking back here for more updates and don’t forget to check out Dr. Hawkings weekly post on Fridays.

Unknown “Creature” Captured On Trail Camera – With Steven Hawkings

Good evening, this week in a story reported by extreme-expeditions.net, we can see what appears to be a mysterious white puffy creature. The incident occurred on Tuesday 4th September 2012 a two-thirty in the morning in the North Cascades National Park, Washington State, an area known to be inhabited by Bigfoot. A trail camera had been set up to automatically take photographic images when it captured the odd sight. Judging from the what little information I can gather, I have come to the conclusion that this is indeed a real puzzlement and I have no idea what it is.

Israel shoots down UFO – With Steven Hawkings

Grainy B&W image of supposed UFO, Passoria, Ne...

Grainy B&W image of supposed UFO, Passoria, New Jersey Edited version of Image:PurportedUFO NewJersey 1952 07 31.gif. By Bach01. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Canadian,” a news paper from an odd location named “Canada” has recently reported on a drone gunned down in Israel.  However, after nobody claimed responsibility for the craft, they came to the only logical conclusion, it came from outer space.

Scott C. Waring, agrees, “This still has not been identified an all surrounding countries have denied responsibility. All evidence points to this being a UFO from space.”

Since the craft didn’t come from any bounding countries, the only remaining possibly is that it came from above. Surely, this was an alien spacecraft of dubious intent.

Mysterious elk-shaped structure discovered in Russia – With Steven Hawkings

Panoramic South Ural mountains

Panoramic South Ural mountains (Photo credit: Papuass)

Hello, this is Dr. Steven Hawkings to report on important stories in the news. Join me each week for my take on a particularly interesting story from “traditional” information outlets.

This week we will focus on the enormous line art found in the Ural Mountains, in Russia that was reported earlier by NBC NEWS.

In the story, NBC reports that a large, elk shaped, figure has been carved into the ground. This sort of work, from the ground, just looks like  a walking trail, but from the sky, a familiar shape can be observed. NBC does a fine job of listing all the ancient, clay extracting tools they found in the area but they completely missed the real story here.

Why would a culture with no means of flight need to make a symbol that can only be seen from the sky? Based on my scientific analysis, this marking was meant as some kind of signal for, perhaps, Elkmen from another planet. Whenever the prehistoric European where in trouble, they just had to flash the “Elk signal” and the Elkman came swooping in with tools and knowledge to get them out of sticky situation. When will these so called “investigators” learn?

Join me next week for another take on a strange story from the news.

Bologna or Not? Vol. I & II is Now Available on Amazon.com!

amazon.com

amazon.com (Photo credit: soumit)

The paperback has been posted and is now available on the worlds larges online book seller, Amazon.com. Just follow the link and get yourself one awesome midnight read.

Attention! Bologna or Not? Vol. I & II in PAPERBACK now available!

After weeks of preparation, the paperback version of ‘Bologna or Not?’ is finally available. For now, it’s available at CreateSpace, Amazon’s print on demand channel. However, it will be listed on Amazon.com within a few days, I am told. However, there is no difference between the one on CreateSpace and the on that will be available on Amazon.com, it just take longer for it to be listed at Amazon.com

In this book you’ll find the strangest stories you’ve never heard. ‘Bologna or Not?’ was, to me, the stuff too crazy even for the paranormal scientists. Never before has a ground breaking collection ever been put together. Two collections combined into one book.

Ever wonder what that sound is outside your window? Maybe it’s a hobo, but then again, maybe it’s an alien creature from another planet spying on you in the night! The scary thing is, you really don’t know.

Join us as we investigate UFOs, Bigfoot, Witchcraft, stupid squirrels and much more. However, it’s ultimately up to you to decide, are these stories, Bologna or Not?

Proof copy arrived

I just received my proof copy of the printed book delivered. Once I am done looking it over for errors, I will submit any corrections and then make the book available for purchase immediately. We are just a day or two away!