Ontario’s Billion Year Old Water – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

Nature.com reports that Canadian miners have tapped into a pool of water so far beneath the surface of the Earth, and so old, and so isolated that is has never been touched by human urine.

This of course makes it prime drinking water as the only known source of water that has never been peed in by anything, even your expensive, bland, bottled water has traces of urine in them. However, before richest one percent of the world’s population can take a drink (which will most certainly grant them everlasting life or, perhaps, super powers), scientists want to test the water for microbial life which may or may not be expelling urine into it at a subatomic level.

These studies may help us determine if life could be supported in other, such hostile locations, as under the surface of Mars.

Some experts say that the underground water could be dangerous in it’s current state and that somebody should pee into it right away to avoid unforeseen consequences.

Jerry Lacy of Dark Shadows receives ‘Bologna or Not?’ Vol. III

Recently a picture was brought to my attention which contains the legendary Jerry Lacy holding a copy of ‘Probably True Paranormal Stories: Bologna or Not? Vol. III’. It is not yet known how he came into possession of such a tome but we at ‘Bologna or Not?’ suspect that supernatural forces are at work.

Jerry Lacy (left) holding Bologna or Not? Vol. III

For those who don’t know who Jerry Lacy is, shame on you! He is probably best known for his television rolls as Tony Peterson, Reverend Trask, Reverend Gregory Trask, Mr. Trask, and Lamar Trask on the cult TV serial Dark Shadows.

In 2013, Jerry will reunite along with his Dark Shadows costars Lara Parker and Kathryn Leigh Scott for the feature film ‘Doctor Mabuse‘, written and directed by Ansel Faraj; Jerry stars as the titular doctor in the film.

NEW BOOK released!

Hello seekers of the strange and unusual! Our new book as been released! In this, we put together another amazing collection of true stories from our vast collection of paranormal stories. Though, this edition contains tales collected over many years, there are a some that have just been added this past year.

We talk about the Bermuda Triangle, Closet Monsters, the Infinite Universe, and perhaps, most amazingly, we go on a hunt for the elusive Snipe! Plus much much more, this is our biggest collection yet.

And for coming to this blog, you are very smart and deserving of a special 50% off code for the paperback edition. Just go to https://www.createspace.com/4184652 and use the coupon code: SCFWZMX4 and get the book for just $5.

If that’s too rich for your blood, you can pick up the ebook kindle edition for just .99 cents. http://www.amazon.com/Probably-True-Paranormal-Stories-ebook/dp/B00CB7R9H2/

Volume 3 Update

Kindle (Photo credit: jimforest)

Hello readers, this is Nick Kilcoyne with an update on Bologna or Not? Vol 3. The title has been finalized as ‘Probably True Paranormal Stories, Probably: BOLOGNA OR NOT? Vol. III’. I know it’s a bit long but that’s the way the UFO flies.

So anyway, I am planning on a simultaneous release of the ebook and paperback and it will be released sometime in the next two weeks. All cover art and interior content has been submitted to Amazon for approval and once that gets done, I will order a proof print. After it is proof read a final time, I will release the book for sale. If I need to make changes, that might delay the release for another 24-48 hours.

So make sure you save up your money so you can buy multiple copies!

Watch “OBAMA ALIEN demon UFO ghost 666 devil SECRET SERVICE” on YouTube – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

Attention my fellow human mammals. A video that I found on YouTube has indisputably captured a shape-shifting humanoid reptilian alien within Barack Obama’s secret service. The video below clearly shows an out of place “man” twitching his head oddly and later he is seen actually changing the shape of his skull.

This brings to the table many questions. Like who else might be a shape-shifter? And how can you tell one from a real person? I went to my colleague, Nick Kilcoyne for his take, “it would seem to me that reptiles would have quite a different diet than humans. So if you suspect someone of being a shape-shifter, I recommend examining their feces.” Nick then checked the App Store for a feces scanner.

I then asked my other co-worker, Will Henton, who said, “I don’t know anything about shape-shifters but I’ll tell you about a shift-shaper, look at the new work schedule Patrick made.  Now I work more days than I have off! How ridiculous is that?

So what do you think? Is the Government riddled with shape-shifting aliens?

Join me again next time for more tales of the unexplained. Hawkings, Goodnight.

English: Artist interpretation of reptilian alien. Human is shown for relative size. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Ghost of Snowman Photographed, Confirmed by Forensics

Snowman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

A Chattanooga paranormal research firm called Global Paranormal Services has claimed to have collected inarguable evidence that ghosts exists.

As the website, Who Forted, reports, the group was investigating a supposed haunting at the local library. This was smart of them because libraries always have a “ghost section” so I applaud them and their intuition. An unnamed forensic lab has looked over their evidence has has confirmed it’s authenticity.

However, their evidence will not be shown to the public just yet but they have released a teaser photograph that shows a white bloby specter that resembles a snowman. Whether this is the ghost of a snowman or if you just turn into a snowman once you pass is unknown at this time. We’ll have to wait for more details.

Iran’s Flying Saucer Leads Their Paranormal Army – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

Lockheed Martin RQ-170 Sentinel (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Wired.com reports that a man named Mehran Tavakoli Keshe has use his captured alien technology to bring down US Drone (RQ-170).  He is, in fact, in possession of flying saucer.

Keshe is a regular on his own person forum and writes, “The Iran spaceship program has the capability of jamming and blocking any incoming radar, as we have explained month ago on this forum, and now we see the practical use of the technology.”

It would seem that Iran is gearing up for a full scale paranormal invasion as there are  rumors that they are also employing an army of ghosts to cover ground operations.  Likewise their underground forces consist of the subterranean civilization known as the Agartha.

As a scientist, I am well prepared for such a catastrophic event. Being a researcher of the unexplained for so many decades has given me a wealth of knowledge that the common man does not possess.

I’ll be in my bunker if anybody needs me. Don’t mind the salt.

Who Murdered the Lock Ness Monster? – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

Leeds Castle 03-07-2007 (Photo credit: Karen Roe)

It is a sad and disturbing day indeed. The people at The Voice of Russia reports that the decomposed corpse of the Lock Ness Monster has been discovered dumped in a remote lake in Siberia. This adds the Lock Ness Monster to the growing list of creatures that have only been seen in their murdered state, this includes the Woolly Mammoth, the Saber Tooth Tiger, all the dinosaurs and King Tut.

Dmitry Shiller, the head of an underwater research team went to the bottom of the worlds coldest lake, Lake Labynkyr. Don’t worry, they all wore two sweaters each. When they got to the bottom, they discovered the jaw and partial skeleton of a huge underwater creature.

Bones underwater? In Siberia? What else could it be but the Lock Ness Monster? Reminds me of the time I discovered bones under the floorboards of my rental home and determined they belonged to Bigfoot.

Ufiti the Ghost Chimp of Malawi, Africa – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

Illustraton of a Chimpanzee (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello again this week, a blog by the name of ShukerNater posts an article supposedly debunking the story of the mighty ghost chimp, Ufiti.

The story of Ufiti is a rather interesting one, in the area known as Malawi in Africa, a human settlement, strange sightings of an ape-like creature started to be reported in the 1960s in an area where no chimpanzee species was known to occupy. The description of this creature mostly match that of a western African chimpanzee except it had some characteristics from a mature male gorilla such as a gray saddle and an unusually large size.

Ufiti would seemingly appear out of nowhere around construction sites and other areas where humans tend to congregate. When a person attempted to get close to Ufiti, she would back into the jungle and disappear. Eventually, the construction sites became littered with banana peals and the people decided that Ufiti had to be captured.

When entering the jungle in pursuit of the mysterious ape, people were shocked to discover over 30 treetop structures, one had a satellite dish on the top.

Ufiti was found and caught. It turned out that she wasn’t a ghost, yet. She was soon sent to a local zoo where her health rapidly deteriorated and she was put down. At least that’s what we’ve been told.

There have been quiet rumblings of the true nature of the creature called Ufiti. These people have mostly been silenced however, a some have, on their death beds, revealed the shocking secret, Ufiti was a psychic. She was able to open her cage door with her mind.

She would often use her powers to gain entry to the kitchen where she would gorge herself on fruit and pancake mix. The people at the zoo learned to be afraid of Ufiti since she was able to control not only things but people with her mind. One report tells of the time that she made two co-workers groom each other and then have a feces fight.

One day Ufiti was found to be missing. It was later learned that she had become bored of living on Earth and had returned to her home planet. Yes, her home planet. Remember that satellite dish on her jungle construct? I was a communication device pointed at a star known as HR 8799, her presumed home system.

Officials maintain that Ufiti was just a garden variety chimpanzee, a possible escaped pet who died in a zoo. However, I offer no poof that any of that is true and I ask you to instead believe the stuff I have written.

Goodnight.

Kraken Found, Declared a Coward by Japanese – With Dr. Steven Hawkings

The great Doctor (me) is back again. This week, talking about that colossal calamari, the Giant Squid, the Kraken. Many people over the centuries have claimed to have encounters with the Giant Squid and so far, all have been declared clinically insane.

Now, according to Reuters, the county of Japan has come out with what they claim is actual photographs of the Kraken in it’s natural habitat which turns out to be, amazingly, in the water.

Tsunemi Kubodera, a zoologist at Japan’s National Museum of Nature and Science explains how he managed to capture images of the creature,  “If you try and approach making a load of noise, using a bright white light, then the squid won’t come anywhere near you. That was our basic thinking,” Kubodera said. “So we sat there in the pitch black, using a near-infrared light invisible even to the human eye, waiting for the giant squid to approach.”

The claim is that the reason we have never captured a giant squid on film before is because it’s been scared away by the noisy and bright underwater machines have been sent after it in the past.

We may be able to apply this reasoning to other elusive creatures such as Bigfoot for example. Perhaps we have never seen a Bigfoot because it is terrified of people. I suggest that Bigfoot hunters do so while completely invisible or failing that, wearing a big friendly teddy bear suite.

However, some are not convinced, the United States is skeptical of this discovery and is in the process of getting Japan declared clinically insane. Something it’s been trying to do for decades.

Join me next week for more strange tails.